Are you utterly shocked and amazed? Do you need a moment? It's ok, I'll wait.
You back? Awesome.
Seriously. I was. Productive, that is. And it was more than just brushing my teeth. In recent days and months the pinnacle of my productivity was brushing my teeth. That's why I couldn't be bothered with brushing my hair. Stop looking at me like that.
But, yeah. I redid my resume thing. It's all fancy and shit. And made with photoshop. It sparkles and has unicorns and rainbows in the margins and it's strawberry scented. (Betcha didn't know you could do THAT shit with photoshop, these days, huh?)
I'm kidding. It doesn't glitter in sunlight like vampires apparently do these days. It has no unicorns or other foo-foo-fluffy shit in the margins, nor does it have magical fruity smelling properties. Because apparently those hiring HR-type people have no imagination and don't really approve of that shit.
But! My resume! It is pretty. And eye catching. But still looks professional, and much like a non-crazy responsible human being created it.
So give me a cookie, dammit. Preferably one made of unicorns and rainbows. That'll make me sparkle. BECAUSE I DESERVE IT.
You back? Awesome.
Seriously. I was. Productive, that is. And it was more than just brushing my teeth. In recent days and months the pinnacle of my productivity was brushing my teeth. That's why I couldn't be bothered with brushing my hair. Stop looking at me like that.
But, yeah. I redid my resume thing. It's all fancy and shit. And made with photoshop. It sparkles and has unicorns and rainbows in the margins and it's strawberry scented. (Betcha didn't know you could do THAT shit with photoshop, these days, huh?)
I'm kidding. It doesn't glitter in sunlight like vampires apparently do these days. It has no unicorns or other foo-foo-fluffy shit in the margins, nor does it have magical fruity smelling properties. Because apparently those hiring HR-type people have no imagination and don't really approve of that shit.
But! My resume! It is pretty. And eye catching. But still looks professional, and much like a non-crazy responsible human being created it.
So give me a cookie, dammit. Preferably one made of unicorns and rainbows. That'll make me sparkle. BECAUSE I DESERVE IT.
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